Losing Something Precious
I know from experience that not everyone feels attachment to their animals in a strong indescribable way like others do. I am an animal lover and feel very strongly about my relationships with all of them. They are my babies. Truly. My Tabby cat, Wolfie, has been with me 15 years. He was my first babe that I got when I lived in a co-op during college. He has known me and my husband from the very start of our relationship. He was my first cat ever. We had always had dogs, Westies, in my family growing up. As in any long relationship, I know his expressions and behavioral nuances. I know what that deep stare from across the room means. It may be just a raise of an eyebrow but I know the difference between his saying I don’t feel well than the stare of I am mad at you for leaving me all day. I also know that at first he did not approve when we brought home a wily shih tzu from the pound. Greta was the dog that looked like Grover as she sat inside the cage at the Town Lake Shelter. Paint in her hair and mats all over her body from the home she had just been abandoned from. They told the shelter that it cost too much to feed her. This little 9 month old puppy was terrified and abused. As soon as we let her off the leash, she ran over to Kevin and sat in his lap. She was not tempted to run around the yard, she wanted to sit in his lap. He looked up at me and said, “Oh” in such a way I knew our search was over. I was hesitant.
Greta and I immediately started bonding on trips to go see Kevin, who lived an hour and a half away at the time. She slowly started making her way onto my lap as I drove. Finally, I allowed it. She curled up satisfied and I could not resist this strange little dog. We started to know each other. With little nods, face rubs and intimate spooning in my bed at night…she stole my heart completely. After years, we just knew each other so well. If I was unhappy, she knew. She would stop playing or wandering in the yard to come and sit on my lap or kiss my face. She knew her mama. This bond grew more and more over the 14 years we were together.
I would not feel quite content until I had walked through the door, seen her and greeted her. I wrote songs to her about my fear of one day being without her. From the time she turned ten, I worried about losing her. Kevin worried that I would not do well when that time came and even mentioned that maybe I would need counseling to prepare. I knew when that time came, it would not go well. Greta and Wolfie had been with us from the beginning. It would be an end of an era. A life I would not want to know. That day came. I felt a kind of primitive grief I had never known. My body shrieked with inconsolable sadness and despair. I was even taken aback at the immense sadness.
Ok, sorry to drag you into the depths of this story. The point is, if you have lost someone, you will understand. I turned to music as therapy like I always did. “How Can I Tell You” by Cat Stevens was our song. A great song that says it all and helps one through the hardest times. I searched for many but this one helps the most. I think of her always and this song is the lullaby that soothes and sings out to my baby. Check it out.
